Giving Up 'The Disease To Please' - How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

photo credit: 165 via photopin (license)

photo credit: 165 via photopin (license)

If you worry constantly about what other people think of you and are terrified of offending or upsetting someone, you may be suffering from "the disease to please."

Never fear though, Lisa Phillips - a life coach with nearly 15 years experience - has the cure. And it doesn't require any toxic pills or painful injections. Read on...


Lisa Phillips

Worrying what people think of us leads to confidence-draining people-pleasing behavior. A people-pleaser tries their hardest to keep everyone around them happy —often at their own expense.

They may turn themselves inside out in order to please others, often doing things they really don’t want to do. They usually end up saying yes when they really want to say no and will tell you that everything is fine even if they feel upset or, more often than not, feel taken advantage of or resentful.

Many people-pleasers are expert peacekeepers and always want to be seen as a ‘nice person’, living their life according to other people’s expectations, rather than their own.

However, in truth, people-pleasing behavior results in neglecting our own needs and wants. Ironically, a people-pleaser is often overlooked, taken for granted and loses the respect of the very people they are trying to please!

Giving up the ‘disease to please’ does not need to be difficult. It can be done — it just takes a little courage and practice. The good news is that when you start to release the attachment to pleasing everyone around you, you will begin to feel much safer within yourself and will find it less of a struggle to be authentic and confident.

How to Diagnose "The Disease to Please"

Start right now by working through the following action step and then reading the tips below; take the time to consider the questions and write your thoughts in your journal or on a piece of paper:

  • Why you are trying so hard to be liked by everyone else?
  • Do you really think it is possible for everyone to like you?
  • In what situations and with whom do you find yourself displaying people-pleasing behavior?
  • How regularly do you stop yourself from doing or saying something, out of fear that someone won’t like you or that you may offend them?

If you recognize yourself as a people-pleaser, acknowledge that you can do something about it.

Curing Your People Pleasing Behavior

Don't worry, even the worst people pleasers can be cured. Follow these tips to help you stop living for others and finally start living for you.

  • If you worry about being judged, remind yourself that it is extremely likely that people are not even thinking about you. This is just your own mind creating this illusion.
  • Try to keep things in context. People will always think what they want to think anyway — so, does it really matter in the big scheme of life?
  • Learn to approve of yourself rather than always seeking approval from other people. What is more important: what others think of you or what you think about yourself?
  • Take small steps to accommodate yourself, rather than always accommodating other people.Remember that you always have a choice to say ‘no’. Just because someone asks for your help, you don’t always have to say ‘yes’. Look at saying ‘no’ and declining other people’s requests as good self-care for you.
  • Get clear on your own priorities in life. What is important to you? How do you wish to spend your time? Remember, you have the right to decide what to do, who to spend time with and to fulfill your own needs.
  • Don’t scare yourself worrying about other people’s reactions. Just because you have said ‘no’ to someone, it doesn’t mean the fallout will be terrible. Learn to soothe yourself through your fears and acknowledge that other people’s reactions are rarely as bad as you think they might be.

As much as it is of the essence to mind how your thoughts and actions affect others, a people-pleasing behavior could be detrimental to your personal growth. The tips outlined above are guidelines that will help you obliterate the people-pleasing tendency and consequently boost your confidence. Take the initiative now!

COnfidenceCoachAfter being a high flyer in the corporate world and living and working in over 20 different countries, Lisa dropped it all to pursue her passion for helping other people overcome their barriers and live lives of confidence and empowerment. Since then she has helped thousands of people unleash their potential and grow their confidence.

For more tips on how to to boost your confidence and start living your life to the full, check out Lisa Phillips' new book "The Confidence Coach - Take Control of Your Life and Wellbeing." You can grab your eBook copy from Exisle Empowerment and take the first steps towards lifelong confidence for less than half the cost of a meal out. Grab your copy here.